Thursday, March 19, 2009

The "Other Woman"

Thanks for being a stereotypical musician that is so into himself he forgets to be human. Thanks for staring at me the entire time you sang during your show, giving me the nerve to talk to you. Thanks for asking me out, then later saying it might not be a good idea because you had a girlfriend. Thanks for going back to asking me out "only as friends," then jumping on me the first chance you got. Thanks for making me drop you off a mile from your house the next morning so you wouldn't get caught. Thanks for giving me all your drink tickets at your next show, then getting mad at me for being drunk and talking to you in front of your girlfriend. Thanks for having your album's poster all over the fucking city that summer, so I couldn't forget about what had happened if I tried. But most of all, thanks for teaching me never to be the "other woman" again.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

Low Blood Pressure Is A Bitch

Sheila, Santa Barbara

Thank you for having low blood sugar in the mornings as an excuse to be a total dick until you finally ate a cheeseburger by noon. Thanks for having breath that always smelled like pizza. Thanks for cheating on me left and right and then trumping all your affairs by sleeping with my two hot gay friends at the same time. Thanks for letting them give it to you and not the other way around. Thanks for talking about how hot you thought other girls, that looked nothing like me, were and then telling me you had crushes on these girls.  Thank you for not having your driver's license so you could have me cart your ass everywhere you needed to go particularly the comic book and liquor store. Thanks for having two moms, one questionably gay brother, and one questionably gay dad and not thinking that you might also be gay. When we lived together my parents thought you slept in the living room and I got the bedroom. Thanks for having them never believe I would actually date you for as long as I did. I try to deny it sometimes too.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Strive For Perfection

Al, 24, pdx

Thank you for listening to cmt every second of your life and thinking that sprint car racing is an actual sport. Thank you for having a tanning bed in your parents house, whitening your teeth, and 'not taking roids'. Thank you for kissing both your parents on the lips whenever you saw them. Thank you for covering your body with the most amazing tattoos I have ever seen in my entire life, everyone needs their nickname across their back with a football breaking through it. Thank you for changing your email address 4 times in the span of 2 months, one of which was "deepballz8". Thank you for 'not have roid rages'......

but most of all, thank you for breaking up with me when I was in another country because I called you a fag and for wearing cowboy hats when the weather was nice.

Note from the Editor:

I had to post this because while there was more than one thing, it was AMAZING! I should also note that in the subject of this email "al" wrote that it was the "first of many" submissions! We hope so! P.S. We loves your tan in this pic and bad photoshop skills. Thanks for one thing would like to thank Al for dating this douche bag.

Que Guapo

Ty, 31, NYC

Thank you for taking me to that pool in Madrid where, beneath beating 100 degree spanish sun and cold waters, I realized were were not meant to be together.

Where I realized I could move on and let you be. Let you be in my past. Despite meeting on myspace and four months later I was laying in your bed for six long winter weeks---I was never sure if I had mad a mistake, or not, until years later when I literally bumped into you just up the hill from my hotel in Sol.

Thank you for taking me to that pool--where I realized we were no longer.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

I only do these things because I hate myself

Welcome to my blog, or should I say our blog? Today I extend an open invite to whom ever wants to participate in "Thanks For One Thing". This blog has been an idea of mine for awhile, and recently I started it on my personal blog. However, the idea in my opinion is far to good to keep to myself. Therefore, I have started this blog so we can all share our relationship experiences, for better or for worse, via the world wide web.

My initial thinking was not to offend others with this blog, but rather to note that there was indeed at least one good thing that came from the relationship. If you do take offense please note that I only do these things because I hate myself and don't give a fuck (about you and your feelings).